May

Tonight was the weekly pub tourney.

I try to go every week. Lately I’ve been hitting it twice a month. In that I live outside of a rather small town, there is usually anywhere from 12 to 24 people playing on any given night. Tonight there were 12. I went out in sixth place when my AK was beat by A8. That’s not so bad. Getting re-raised pre-flop by K5 suited against Aces hurts more. But it’s a freeroll, not counting the booze, food and video poker. People are here for more than serious poker. At least most are, so the bad beats abound.

One of our newcomers — new to town, new to the bar, and supposedly new to poker — wasn’t in attendance this week. Her name is May, a nice small-town, old-fashioned name. May is a calling station that somehow manages to end up at the final table every week with a huge stack. I think her last name is Very-Likely-Call-Any-Raise. So far, she’s not won a tourney. (But hell, I’ve only won one in two years, so who am I to say anything?) Noticing she wasn’t playing, I asked if she had been there the week prior. No. Somehow, I don’t think May will be back.

May showed up about five weeks ago. She sat at my table. I went out of my way to welcome the new face. She had just moved to town that week. You see, I’m a newcomer as well. I’ve been here five years. May had showed up a little late, and her seat had been a ghost, so she had already lost a few chips. And within the first five hands, she had to re-buy. After that, she amassed a huge stack, mostly from pure luck. She couldn’t or wouldn’t lay down a hand, and eventually made it to the final table. I was short-stacked (M of 4 or so) and went all in with AK. She was the lone caller from the button with 23 off.

I said, “No hard feelings.” Beginners luck, right?

I missed a couple weeks, and when I returned, May was there, and she had brought her hubby. He didn’t play. May was playing at another table, but from the cries of her name and a tone of disbelief that came from those players, I knew May was at it again.

Said one player at my table: “She’s a ringer, that’s what she is. Never played before… bull shit.”

And another: “Fucking calling station is what she is. Doesn’t hit the flop and still calls.”

Wow.

May was at the final table again. I was short again with an M of 6. AJc UTG, I raise 3 x BB with $1K and $2k blinds. May is on the button again and is again the sole caller. Flop comes K36, two clubs. I say, “What the hell” and I push with the rest of my chips. She calls and shows K3d. The table starts calling for another club, which doesn’t come.

The whole table was calling for a club!

And that’s why May won’t be coming back.