Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Boys and girls, moms and dads, it’s time for another installment of “Table Talk!”

(Live audience goes wild.)

Tonight we find bastin at the 8 Game. Since we last saw our hero he’s been spinning his wheels.

Awwwwww. Little boy yells, We love you bastin!

Hehehe. Well, he loves you too! In tonight’s show, bastin once again spends most of his time grinding away, but stay with us, because there’s going to be some fireworks! And for you older folks, some good ol’ fashioned irony. But first, let’s play guess the player type!

(Audience is beside themselves with glee.)

bastin has just sat down at the table. The bad guy is to his left with a middling stack. The game is Limit Hold ‘em.

(Slight murmur of disappointment from the crowd.) Same little boys whispers “Boring!” loud enough for the MC’s mic to pick it up.

Somebody’s looking for a bad beat! Just kidding! Okay, here’s the hand (20’ x 60’ screen behind MC lights up with a graphic of a poker table and bastin’s cards up): bastin posts blind from middle position with A4h. UTG raises and bastin calls. But then the Big Blind raises it again! (Crowd stirs in their seats.) It folds around to UTG and he calls, as does bastin.

(Audience s obviously pleased with move by fearless bastin.)

Here comes the flop! (Middle of table shows Ad9sTs)

Ooooooooo. Man in his early forties yells, Look there’s an Ace! Go get ‘em bastin!

The Big Blind bets out. Does he have an Ace? A biiiiig Ace? What is bastin going to do?

Two different calls from many of the audience member: Call! Raise! Someone yells, Go all in! and audience chuckles.

He calls. bastin is playing this one carefully. Okay, let’s see the turn! Four of diamonds! (Crowd is frenetic.) Hehehe. Let’s not get too excited yet kids. There are two flush draws on that board, and remember, this is Limit, so anything can happen. Let’s see what the Big Blind does. He bets. And bastin raises! (Cautious applause.) Now what will the Big Blind do? Let’s see. He folds! (Again, crowd goes nuts, all over $2.96.)

Okay, now, here’s your “Table Talk” clue. See if you can tell what kind of player the Big Blind is.

Big Blind said, "hit wrong button"
UTG said, "lol"
bastin said, "oops"
Big Blind said, "prolly had u 2"

This is a tough one, kids, but use your “bastin Lucky Deconstruction Manual” to find the answer.

Woman in her late fifties stands up and yells, Screw the book! He’s a douche bag! Raising bastin’s post, the nerve! (Crowd cheers.)

Well, he might be. But we’ll check in with bastin himself via satellite at the end of the show for his own analysis. (Crowd applauds while MC puts hand to his ear as if he is trying to hear direction through an earpiece.) What’s that? bastin isn’t available by satellite? (Crowd moans.) What?! He’s in the studio?! Girls and boys, ladies and gentlemen…bastin!

Enough already.

The douche eventually lost his stack, pissing and moaning the whole way. Meanwhile, I was sweating another table and saw a lot of chatter between two players, one claiming he was drunk at 6 o’clock in the morning, which was an impossible feat, time zone-wise, unless he was in the middle of the Atlantic or maybe Iceland. Okay, maybe Iceland, which would be a first for me. Anyway, I got a couple more pieces out of him and another peenie wagger before it was time to take the dog for her evening duty. I quit out of the room and left the chatty room up. If a seat was available when I got back, I’d sit for bit before my cartoons came on.

A seat was waiting for me to the left of Mr. Chatty Drunk. He and the guy to his right, a shortie, were still yakking it up. Chatty was up about $5 from a buy-in. There was monster stack, a guy I knew to be a solid PLO player, two to my left.

Just a few hands in and in NLHE, shortie limped and I raised the Button five times with Jacks. He called with pocket 3s and I paid him off. Fine. Chatty complimented his sidekick with a “get ‘em killa.”

Shortie now had 3/4 of a buy-in and was slinging them around, which told me he was playing a high variance game. Good to know.

Pretty soon we’re onto PLO and time’s a-tickin’ before I have to go. I’m in the BB with JhJsAcTc. UTG raises the pot, middle position raises the pot again. Whew. I want to see a flop, see? I call. UTG bets the pot again. OK, we know what he has. And we know he’s missing one of his potential outs because I have it. Middle position player calls and so do I. Nothing has changed in regards to odds. The flop is 7hJc9h and the three of us get it all in. Both of them have a heart draw, UTG to the nuts. Middle position catches a straight on the turn and the 7 on the river closes the deal.

Chatty said, "nh"
bastin said, "thx
UTG said, "yeah 3$ call JJAT
UTG said, "very nice"
bastin said, "felt lucky"
Sidekick said, "Chatty can u call for a mop in aisle 3?"
Chatty said, "yea"

As Chatty was responding, another hand was in progress. I limped early with KhQh6dKs (yeah, I know), two more players limp, including Mr. Monster Stack (now not all that much bigger than mine) and the guy I had just stacked, so when Sidekick bet the pot, I was hoping that my call might encourage additional calls. It did.

The flop came pretty: 2d8cKd. Sidekick bet the pot and I called, both hoping that another player might come along, and to see if another diamond was forthcoming on the turn. Sidekick put the rest of his chips in with the 6c and I knew I was good. At the same time this betting was happening, Chatty typed, “mop aisle 3 we have a wah alert code red" River was a blank.

Sidekick said “nh”
bastin said, "I wanna watch cartoons!”


Memphis MOJO said...

bastin said, "I wanna watch cartoons!”

You already had been. Nice post.

Forrest Gump said...

I like this B, that's one of my favorites:

Chatty said, "nh"
bastin said, "thx
UTG said, "yeah 3$ call JJAT
UTG said, "very nice"

bastin said, "felt lucky"

I also mix and match with:
- "I run good"
- "I'm just a lucky guy"
- "I though you were bluffing"
- "I don't play the math - I'm a feel guy"

bastinptc said...

FG - I should have given credit where credit was due.

Memphis MOJO said...

"Sidekick said, "Chatty can u call for a mop in aisle 3?"

I thought this line was a hoot.